It’s a fun game to play for me. I’ve been marking my months of marriage to Sung Yoon with memories from this time last year.
A year from our wedding day I was adopting Oliver and emailing Sung for the first time. A year from Halloween, I was taking in my first Air Force party (not with Sung) and wondering what I had gotten myself into. A year from Thanksgiving I was making him his first present from me. A year from New Years, we were watching fireworks together in Germany.
This time last year marked the end of a rather difficult month. I had several pretty big, startling changes occur in my little world. My Pastor and his family had just announced their move to Saint Louis, another close friend and church leader also announced their move, and we had an abrupt leadership change at my school. Within a month, Sung’s departure date from Germany changed twice and a training that would have allowed him to be with me on my birthday got canceled.
We didn’t know that he’d be able to visit me for two weeks that April. We didn’t know a lot.
As I sat in church, hearing the announcement that another leader was moving on, I grit my teeth. “I see what you’re doing,” I said to God. “I see that you causing some folks to move on. But I will not be next. I am not going any where.”
I think I told God no because I already knew. I told him I would not be next but I knew that I would.
Not long after that, Darcy and Jake came to visit me. Oliver peed on Bekah’s new arm chair and I broke down into tears. I started telling them everything that was wrong. And, finally, the real thing– “I’m not ready to be ready to leave,” I cried.
Darcy told me to stop– how could I worry about leaving when no one had asked me to go anywhere. But I knew.
The day after my birthday last year, Sung and I started talking about marriage– it hadn’t been mentioned seriously for some time, but it had been on my mind all these months. I asked if he had some sort of timeline in mind for it all.
“I thought you’d like to get married before you turned thirty,” he said. I laughed. I hadn’t really had that as some sort of deadline. Then he said, “Well, at least that was what I was going to tell you…as an excuse…so you wouldn’t wonder why I wanted to get married so soon.”
I wasn’t ready to be ready to leave Sandtown and Baltimore and my life there. But I was ready. In many ways, I’m still not ready to have left. But I’m so grateful that, as stubborn as I was, I was willing to walk the path God placed before me. That step, into his will, is always the best step to take.