First Cut is the Deepest

When I was young, my father lived in University City, in Philadelphia.  My fondest memories with him included walking around at dusk, observing college students playing Frisbee and people walking dogs.  I fell asleep to the sounds of cars and sirens blowing in with the cool breeze– the buzz of city life.  I learned to crave it at an early age.

I knew I would go to school in a city, which is one of the reasons I picked the University of Pittsburgh.  And living there was great!  There are pieces of it mixed into so many of my memories and expressions I still use because I lived there.  It is always still so wonderful to go back.  My time in college, I think, taught me how to love a city.  But, if I learned how to love in Pittsburgh, I didn’t love Pittsburgh… not like I love Baltimore.

Because, the truth is, while I have spent time living and learning and dreaming in many cities– Philly as a little girl, Pittsburgh in college, Galway during study abroad– I was always packing up at the end of the term.  And everything I liked and thought I loved in those places was like a crush I thought was the real thing.  Because I never put down the real roots and I never saw the real flaws.

I didn’t love Baltimore because I was oblivious to its dark side, its rough patches, its corruption.  I loved it in those things.  I knew the different sides of it.  I let it break my heart.  I could be disappointed with the things I saw but I was still loyal.  I squelched much of my wanderlust because I saw value in staying put somewhere, in being committed somewhere.  I learned about myself.

When we were preparing to leave I wrote these few lines of poetry:

Dear Baltimore,

Thinking of leaving you hurts like hell

Because I am afraid that pieces of my soul

Have so intertwined with your landscape

That when I leave I won’t be able to pack them up and take them with me.

I thought that when we moved to Philly something would happen to me.  I thought I would immediately snap back into the little girl feelings I had had about this city, my first city.  I thought I would feel right at home.

I was wrong.  It is so wonderful to live here and we are really enjoying ourselves.  But how can this little crush, this 7 months of trying to find our favorite restaurants to eat at, compare to what I had before?  To 7 years of digging in, taking roots, of knowing and learning that place? Of mixing myself into it?

Don’t misunderstand me.  I am so happy.  But I wonder if there is room in my heart for another city to be to me what Baltimore has been.

Pho

It’s been about seven years since I had my first pho.  Before I go on, I should explain for those who have never tried it.  It’s a Vietnamese noodle soup with beef broth, meat, herbs and bean sprouts.  And if you’re wondering if you are saying it right, you cheeks should turn a little pink when you say “I could really go for a good pho”….

My first pho was at the now closed Baltimore Pho in Hollins Market, Baltimore.  They did a weekly neighborhood discount day and I had a few friends who lived in Hollins Market and I worked there, so we would meet together to take advantage of the discount, at first.  This time turned into some of the most precious memories I have of my early years in Baltimore, spending time fellowshiping with my New Song girlfriends.  No topic was off limits and we provided support, advice and  laughter as we navigated life out of college.  At least half of us have moved out of Baltimore since.  There have been career changes, weddings, big moves, grad school, babies…I will never forget the special times we shared while our lives were in this similar place for a moment of time– of being newly grown up and learning to serve God in Baltimore.

Those times ended and I almost forgot about Pho.  Little did I know, it would become one of the key staples of my diet.  Because Sung Yoon doesn’t just like Pho– it sustains him.  It was one of the first things he told me about himself.  It is the meal we always share when we are with his sister.  It is the meal he wants after a long week.  Or the celebrate his birthday.  It was a sign we were in the right place last year, when we found Pho on base in Nebraska–something Sung had never seen before.  It’s a way we spend rainy Saturdays or a way to catch up with old friends.

    

It is so special that I am able to connect this man I love and our life together, to the rich legacy of Tuesdays with my girlfriends before I knew Sung Yoon existed, when I still wondered if I would ever find the right guy.  Life is funny that way.  As things continue to change for my relationships, as seasons of seeing certain friends regularly come and go, it can be really sad.  But, I see that it is such a rich blessing to have friends come into your life at the right time, for the right time.  And, ladies, I have a good reason to remember you often.

Here are some of the best phos Sung and I have tried together.

Pho So 1~ Richmond, Virginia (Our first Pho together and the place we go every time we’re in Richmond)

Pho 382~ Offut Air Force Base, Nebraska

Saigon Surface~ Omaha, Nebraska

Vietnam Restaurant~ Philadelphia

Cafe Pho Ga Thanh Thanh~ Philadelphia (Our first time trying chicken pho!  Only I didn’t know the difference….)

Pho 75~ Philadelphia (loved by Anthony Bourdain and also us)

Our Trip Back East

Hello, Friends and Family!

It’s been awhile since I last posted.  A lot has happened and we’ve even been able to see some of you since I last wrote!  I thought I’d catch you up on our crazy trip last month and also attempt at returning to regular posts for the rest of the summer.  Bear with me…. 🙂

On May 19, I had my last day in Preschool.  It was bittersweet.  I was definitely sad to say good bye to my little ones and amazing co-workers, but also happy to see our kiddos graduate and happy to prepare to return to the classroom as a teacher myself.  On May 20, Sung and I flew out of Kansas City, Missouri, to embark on our East Coast adventure.  It was actually our first time flying together.  We did A LOT during our quick little trip so I’ll just give you some highlights.  Regrettably, we were not able to visit with everyone we know and miss back East but we’re actually planning to be back very soon so if we missed you this time, we’ll catch you next time!

We spent the first part of our trip in New York for the graduation

   

I’m so proud of Esther for all she accomplished as a student at Parsons School of Design.  Please keep her in your prayers as she looks for a job in the cutthroat fashion world.

While in New York, I also  went to a restaurant featuring pickles with Darcy, got my Paris Baguette on in Koreatown, got mani/pedis with Esther and celebrated Esther’s graduation dinner at a restaurant in Chinatown that was once visited by Anthony Bourdain.

24 crazy hours later, Esther was moved out of her dorm, I had traveled to a nearby city for a job interview, the Hwangs (minus me) conquered the Holland Tunnel bridge, and we basically had a mini family reunion with my parents and his parents at the Delaware Turnpikc rest stop.  Seriously.  People who were trying to enjoy their rest stop snack moved to another table because of the commotion we had caused.

Later, in Baltimore, we enjoyed the beautiful wedding of our good friends, Nora and Anthony!  (not all photos mine)

  

Being back in Baltimore was amazing!  It was great to see so many old friends and to visit New Song.  I felt so at home.  Thank you to everyone who let us stay with them, met up with us to hang out, and gave us rides places!  It was great to see everyone and we can’t wait to be back again soon!

Now that we are back in Nebraska, I’m teaching summer school.  We have just one week left and then I’ll be officially unemployed for the time being.  Meanwhile, Sung and I are our trying to get our ducks in a row as we prepare to put this on our car in not too many weeks….

That’s all for now, everyone!  Thanks for reading.  Love from Nebraska!

My Sandtown Quilt

Last month I got a VERY exciting birthday package… a box from my old roommates.  Included was this beautiful quilt, with squares made by my friends and neighbors at our going-away-party in September and then assembled this fall by Nora.  What a priceless gift.

 

Needless to say, seeing the quilt stirred up a variety of emotions.

 

I smiled over the memories and well wishes.  (Here are just a few close ups.)

 

But I was also sad.  There was a long time where I planned on never leaving Sandtown.  In a flash, my whole life changed last year and I find myself in a place I never imagined I’d be, pursuing a new calling with Sung.  But I wanted to cry as these faces all came to mind.

Then I read the square decorated by my good friend, ten-year-old Kendra of Stricker Street.

If you can’t make out the words they say, “We’ll always miss you.  You found the right one.”  How did she know?  How did she understand, at ten, what I don’t understand now?  That we can always miss someone without doubting that what has come to pass was meant to be.  That these two feelings do not take away from one another but are allowed to coexist in our hearts.

And she’s right, I think.  Living in Sandtown was the most beautiful, wonderful, costly, enriching, infuriating, fun, sad, happy time of my life.  Until now.  And as I moved into this new life, taking on a whole new set of highs and lows, of dreams and unknowns, I carry with me the memories from my old home.  Nothing will take these away from me and the sense of what I left behind lingers.

So I’ll borrow Kendra’s words.  They are the words of every person who has ever left people that they loved to do what they knew was right.  This could mean getting married but it could also mean serving God in another country, or pursuing a degree at a far away school, or taking a dream job.  It could simply mean moving out and moving across town.

To my community in Sandtown and New Song: I will always miss you.  I found the right one.

 

Week in Review

This week’s review is coming a bit late but I don’t mind because…

1. Daylight Savings Time means I actually get to sleep later now (unlike most people, sorry guys) because the time did not change with the students I tutor in China!!  I still may be getting up earlier than I would prefer (haha) but no matter.  I’m super stoked and have been counting down the days!

2. I’ve been doing the low carb diet with Sung since Monday and I’m pretty happy so far.  By which I mean, I’m glad I’m doing this diet with my husband.  In terms of feeling happy, I have definitely had a bit of carb withdraw symptoms this week which include inexplicable ennui.  I think I’m over the hump though and looking forward to feeling the positive effects in my brain soon 🙂

3. This week I got an exciting package from my roommates from Sandtown but more on that later this week…. 🙂

4. I attended a Women’s Conference at Glad Tidings (our church) and it was great!  I heard talks about renewing your mind through God’s word, having a Godly marriage, and discerning God’s will for your life.  One thing that was a common theme was that in marriage and our Christian walk, the daily relationship is what enables us to handle big challenges.  If we have a strong marriage everyday, we will be ready when the big trials of life come.  If we are trusting God to help us make little decisions, it will be much easier to discern his will in the bigger decisions.  That was a cool thing to think about because it means what I do each day to strengthen my relationship with the Lord and with Sung is prepping me for things I don’t even know about yet!

5. It finally warmed up!  Last Sunday, at Perspectives, the heat was out in the building and it was basically one of the most cold, miserable experiences of my life.  This week we drove there in 70 degree warmth!  Praise God for Spring!  But I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t enjoy one last surprise snow day as we, unlike all you East Coast people, have only had one this year.

All my love, Mrs. Hwang

This Time Last Year

It’s a fun game to play for me.  I’ve been marking my months of marriage to Sung Yoon with memories from this time last year.

A year from our wedding day I was adopting Oliver and emailing Sung for the first time.  A year from Halloween, I was taking in my first Air Force party (not with Sung) and wondering what I had gotten myself into.  A year from Thanksgiving I was making him his first present from me.  A year from New Years, we were watching fireworks together in Germany.

This time last year marked the end of a rather difficult month.  I had several pretty big, startling changes occur in my little world.  My Pastor and his family had just announced their move to Saint Louis, another close friend and church leader also announced their move, and we had an abrupt leadership change at my school.  Within a month, Sung’s departure date from Germany changed twice and a training that would have allowed him to be with me on my birthday got canceled.

We didn’t know that he’d be able to visit me for two weeks that April.  We didn’t know a lot.

As I sat in church, hearing the announcement that another leader was moving on, I grit my teeth.  “I see what you’re doing,” I said to God.  “I see that you causing some folks to move on.  But I will not be next.  I am not going any where.”

I think I told God no because I already knew.  I told him I would not be next but I knew that I would.

Not long after that, Darcy and Jake came to visit me.  Oliver peed on Bekah’s new arm chair and I broke down into tears.  I started telling them everything that was wrong.  And, finally, the real thing– “I’m not ready to be ready to leave,” I cried.

Darcy told me to stop– how could I worry about leaving when no one had asked me to go anywhere.  But I knew.

The day after my birthday last year, Sung and I started talking about marriage– it hadn’t been mentioned seriously for some time, but it had been on my mind all these months.  I asked if he had some sort of timeline in mind for it all.

“I thought you’d like to get married before you turned thirty,” he said.  I laughed.  I hadn’t really had that as some sort of deadline.  Then he said, “Well, at least that was what I was going to tell you…as an excuse…so you wouldn’t wonder why I wanted to get married so soon.”

I wasn’t ready to be ready to leave Sandtown and Baltimore and my life there.  But I was ready.  In many ways, I’m still not ready to have left.  But I’m so grateful that, as stubborn as I was, I was willing to walk the path God placed before me.  That step, into his will, is always the best step to take.

V-Day Mix 2014

My dearest friends,

When I lived in Baltimore, I dreamed of waking up early on Valentine’s morning and driving all around the city to deliver my special, annual Valentine’s mix to your front doors. But I never did that… I always hit snooze.

It took moving to Nebraska to ensure you would get to listen to this mix on ACTUAL Valentine’s Day! I started doing this, years ago, to express my love and excitement to my friends. Thanks for listening to me, even if you don’t want to listen to this MIX. Also, never try to read too much into my song choices. I just like these songs.

All my love,
Margot Hwang