Pho

It’s been about seven years since I had my first pho.  Before I go on, I should explain for those who have never tried it.  It’s a Vietnamese noodle soup with beef broth, meat, herbs and bean sprouts.  And if you’re wondering if you are saying it right, you cheeks should turn a little pink when you say “I could really go for a good pho”….

My first pho was at the now closed Baltimore Pho in Hollins Market, Baltimore.  They did a weekly neighborhood discount day and I had a few friends who lived in Hollins Market and I worked there, so we would meet together to take advantage of the discount, at first.  This time turned into some of the most precious memories I have of my early years in Baltimore, spending time fellowshiping with my New Song girlfriends.  No topic was off limits and we provided support, advice and  laughter as we navigated life out of college.  At least half of us have moved out of Baltimore since.  There have been career changes, weddings, big moves, grad school, babies…I will never forget the special times we shared while our lives were in this similar place for a moment of time– of being newly grown up and learning to serve God in Baltimore.

Those times ended and I almost forgot about Pho.  Little did I know, it would become one of the key staples of my diet.  Because Sung Yoon doesn’t just like Pho– it sustains him.  It was one of the first things he told me about himself.  It is the meal we always share when we are with his sister.  It is the meal he wants after a long week.  Or the celebrate his birthday.  It was a sign we were in the right place last year, when we found Pho on base in Nebraska–something Sung had never seen before.  It’s a way we spend rainy Saturdays or a way to catch up with old friends.

    

It is so special that I am able to connect this man I love and our life together, to the rich legacy of Tuesdays with my girlfriends before I knew Sung Yoon existed, when I still wondered if I would ever find the right guy.  Life is funny that way.  As things continue to change for my relationships, as seasons of seeing certain friends regularly come and go, it can be really sad.  But, I see that it is such a rich blessing to have friends come into your life at the right time, for the right time.  And, ladies, I have a good reason to remember you often.

Here are some of the best phos Sung and I have tried together.

Pho So 1~ Richmond, Virginia (Our first Pho together and the place we go every time we’re in Richmond)

Pho 382~ Offut Air Force Base, Nebraska

Saigon Surface~ Omaha, Nebraska

Vietnam Restaurant~ Philadelphia

Cafe Pho Ga Thanh Thanh~ Philadelphia (Our first time trying chicken pho!  Only I didn’t know the difference….)

Pho 75~ Philadelphia (loved by Anthony Bourdain and also us)

How the Lego Movie Changed Our Lives….

On February 17, I took this picture because  I thought Sung and I looked like real grown-ups.  We were on our way to see “The Lego Movie”.

And, besides our destination, we really were.  We had been married for five months and things were going well.  We both were working and maintaining a pretty happy work/life balance.  I was wearing a shirt with a collar!  Most importantly– we had a plan.  Sung had decided to separate from the military at the end of the summer and he had already applied to the perfect program for the fall.  At the University of Nebraska Medical Center, just thirty minute from where we live now and so close to our church, there is a program that would allow Sung to quickly become a radiography technician and move from his Associates Degree to a B.S.  It would allow him to stay in the medical field, get a job quickly, and have great job security.  We could stay where we were and wouldn’t have to go through too many changes besides the switch to Civilian life.  It seemed perfect.  Just look at those smiles.  But just a few weeks after we took this picture, Sung would turn down an interview for this very selective program because of what happened next…

Since our Perspectives class began in January, I got more and more excited about separation from the Air Force.  We could do ANYTHING!  I kept thinking that the obvious solution to our situation– military separation, no commitments, missions course– was that God what calling us into ministry.  A medical profession for Sung made sense to me because I saw clear ways that we could serve God in that capacity.  We diligently prayed that God would give us guidance but, to us, this radiography program made sense.

And then “The Lego Movie” changed our lives.

Sung loved the movie!  It had everything a good kids’ movie that is geared to adults should have– cheesy pop culture references, ridiculous music, a bit of off-color humor that flies over kids’ heads.  What was not to love?  But it also reminded him of something– himself.  As a kid building with legos was one of his favorite things to do.  It was, for him, his creative space.  And the reality is, he has quite a gifted, creative mind.  I have seen him constantly tapping into this creative ingenuity, since our days of emails when he specially rigged a mouse trap to catch a mouse that kept outsmarting an unaltered snap trap.

 

Seeing the movie brought up these pleasant childhood memories for Sung and it changed him.  Not two days later, Sung texted me during the work day.  He “joked” that maybe he would get a nursing degree and also get an engineering degree, “for fun”.  And once he actually said those words, it was so evident our old plan was a mistake.  Within the week, this was no longer a joke, he dropped the medical plans altogether and began applying to engineering schools.

He chose five and all five chose him.

 

We had an answer in mind that made sense but when we submitted our search to the Lord, He gave us an answer the made sense MORE!  After a lot more prayer and weeks of discussion, we made the decision to move back to the East Coast.  Sung will attend Drexel University in the Fall  and he will pursue Mechanical Engineering.

In closing, all I have to say is

Thanks for the support on this journey, everyone!

All our love,

The Hwangs

…..

 

Week in Review

Wellllllll one of the problems with having an awesome class on Sunday nights is that I drink coffee too late, learn too much and get too excited, and then I DON’T WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I just want to stay up and have new ideas.  So, here I am, writing to my friends instead of going to bed.

Here’s what happened in our little world, since my last post:

1. We skyped with Blaise and Olivia this week.  It was so great to see them!  I love seeing them married– they truly belong together.  😀

2. Sung has been hobbling along– I may have forgotten to mention (heh heh) that he sprained his ankle while we were at the trampoline park last weekend.  What seemed ok to us, the doctor said required him to be on crutches for, like, a month.  Ooops.  Too bad we are supposed to run a race in a few weeks….

3. Sung attended a pre-separation briefing.  (Don’t worry– this is separation from the military– NOT me!)  Weekly, we continue to have serious talks about logistics, money, and the future.  But still, there are so many pieces we don’t know.  We are still trusting God and this week it has been so cool to see glimpses of what he is doing for us– without knowing what it is yet!

4. I invented the most awesome after school snack ever for myself using the foods we have in our refrigerator.  It is: barley, cucumber kimchi, cheddar cheese, and a fried egg with a runny yoke.  This would have never occurred to me if Sung hadn’t once prescribed me a kimchi and cheese sandwich when I wasn’t feeling well.  This combination, my friends, is pure gold.

5. We had an awesome night with some great friends, Jim and Brooke, on Saturday.  We went to see a theatrical presentation of C.S. Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters.  It was fantastic and the conversation with Jim and Brooke, who we really admire, was even more fantastic!

Ok, I think the coffee is wearing off and it is time for bed.  Once again, I apologize that I have no fun and inspiring pictures to leave you with.  So, here is Oliver.

 

 

March Favorites

Here are some things I enjoyed this March.

1. I’m disappointed to find that the really cute Korean movie I was going to recommend, My Sassy Girl, has the worst trailer of all time.  So I’ve included a scene that embodies some of this movie’s cuteness.  Sorry no subtitles.  Also, if it feels frivolous I’d just like to say that the ending, in my opinion, is not.  I think its worth your time!

2. This month, in honor of Paddy’s Day, I went through How the Irish Saved Civilization by Thomas Cahill.  (Read: I listened to the book on tape.)  It tells about Ireland’s often unknown role in preserving classical texts during the fall of the Roman Empire, in their monasteries.  You’re welcome, everyone.

3. For the first time, I’d like to share one of the articles from my Perspectives class that I really enjoyed.  Is God Colorblind or Colorful?by Miriam Adney talks about the importance of culture in the church and role the church could play in helping preserve ethnic cultures that are quickly being lost due to globalization.

4. KOREAN FOOD!!  Eating Korean food all the time in our house has been an awesome change!  The only recipe book we’ve used so far is Quick and Easy Korean Cooking but, to be honest, most of what we’ve made comes from Sung’s head and I can’t really channel that onto this blog.

5. This month Sung and I (embarrassingly enough) saw our FIRST Wes Anderson movie, The Grand Budapest Hotel.  It was so entertaining and also really beautiful to look at.  I guess we’ll have to go back an see some of the others now.  Any recommendations?

Until next month, here are my favorites! ❤

Week in Review

This week’s review is coming a bit late but I don’t mind because…

1. Daylight Savings Time means I actually get to sleep later now (unlike most people, sorry guys) because the time did not change with the students I tutor in China!!  I still may be getting up earlier than I would prefer (haha) but no matter.  I’m super stoked and have been counting down the days!

2. I’ve been doing the low carb diet with Sung since Monday and I’m pretty happy so far.  By which I mean, I’m glad I’m doing this diet with my husband.  In terms of feeling happy, I have definitely had a bit of carb withdraw symptoms this week which include inexplicable ennui.  I think I’m over the hump though and looking forward to feeling the positive effects in my brain soon 🙂

3. This week I got an exciting package from my roommates from Sandtown but more on that later this week…. 🙂

4. I attended a Women’s Conference at Glad Tidings (our church) and it was great!  I heard talks about renewing your mind through God’s word, having a Godly marriage, and discerning God’s will for your life.  One thing that was a common theme was that in marriage and our Christian walk, the daily relationship is what enables us to handle big challenges.  If we have a strong marriage everyday, we will be ready when the big trials of life come.  If we are trusting God to help us make little decisions, it will be much easier to discern his will in the bigger decisions.  That was a cool thing to think about because it means what I do each day to strengthen my relationship with the Lord and with Sung is prepping me for things I don’t even know about yet!

5. It finally warmed up!  Last Sunday, at Perspectives, the heat was out in the building and it was basically one of the most cold, miserable experiences of my life.  This week we drove there in 70 degree warmth!  Praise God for Spring!  But I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t enjoy one last surprise snow day as we, unlike all you East Coast people, have only had one this year.

All my love, Mrs. Hwang

Surprise!!!!!– I WORRY

I have had a chance to look back over my life so far a lot, since we moved here.  One thing that has become overwhelming clear is that many of the problems that I had in my lifetime were actually just the same problem over and over again– my personal issue with anxiety, guilt and worry.  I have begun to notice how frequently a small unpleasantry, be it a comment from someone else or a change in plans I’m not prepared for, can spark a cyclical pattern of worry that I find very hard to get out of.  One that I almost seem to relish, that I keep my brain in all day.  One that I keep trying to “solve”, not realizing the worry itself is the problem, not the “problem”.

There are many people who struggle with anxiety disorders.  At this point, I don’t think I have something like that and I don’t intend to speak for someone that may be battling such a diagnose.  I have known many people who benefited from professional help for anxiety and depression and I would encourage anyone reading this who may need such help to seek it!  I am only writing this to speak to my own personal experiences and where I’ve found some of the roots of these thoughts to lie.

I suspect that if you are someone who has known me well, you are nodding your head when I confess I struggle with daily worry.  Everyone seems to know I do, I just didn’t acknowledge how constant worry was in my life, until recently.  Now that I think about it, I actually remember my kindergarten teacher calling me a “worry wart”.  Also, Sung and I have been going through the copy of Oswald Chamber’s My Utmost for His Highest my parents gave me for my sixteenth birthday– and found I underlined and marked significant portions of an entry on worry— more than I marked on any other page.  I wrote things 14 years ago in that book that seem to mirror the exact thoughts I still have regarding worry today.  But, still, this problem floated under my radar.

There are a few reasons I think I finally became aware of this habit.

1. It got worse when I met Sung.  All my life I have been dreaming of meeting “the one” and when I realized he was the one, the only one forever, that put a heck of a lot of responsibility and pressure on this relationship, to live up to all of my expectations of what marriage should be like.  And it was not so much worry that he was not right in some way– it was worry that something I did would be wrong and ruin this thing I have wanted for so long.

2. Then we moved and I’ve had a chance to be myself in a new context.  It’s funny how my life got so much easier– some major stressors like my schedule, finances, and job decreased in difficulty– but my anxiety level increased.  I began to see that I was worrying but not about things that I really needed to worry about.  It became funny– except I still couldn’t stop and I didn’t know why.

3. The Holy Spirit convicted me of real sin in this sermon given by Pastor Walt at our church last month.  I have always known that if I was worrying I was not trusting God.  But I had never really evaluated that more deeply in my own life.  I had cultivated a lifestyle of constant unrest.  I kept thinking, “Well once this problem is over I’ll be at peace”.  But then something new came up and I’d be anxious again. Now, I have come to realize that, in Christ’s power, I am able to live a lifestyle of peace regardless of my circumstances and that is what I am now seeking to attain.

My favorite part of the sermon is that our pastor points out Jesus’ words: “But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” (Matthew 6:30)  It doesn’t say “O you with lots of problems.”  In the past, I have always attributed my stress level to the problems in my life.  As those have changed shape and, for the time being, decreased in some areas, my stress level has stayed the same.  It is not a problem issue– it is a faith issue.

I am so excited to be able to see this, more clearly than ever before, as Sung and I just begin our marriage journey.  I truly believe, as I seek God’s peace throughout each day no matter what challenges arise, that I will be a better life partner to my husband, and a more enjoyable one to be around.  It has, so far, proved a challenging task, but I am committed to changing my outlook for good.  I will no longer allow worry to fill so much of my mind, unchecked.  Rather then merely wishing I didn’t feel so stressed, I am committing each issue to the Lord with the simple prayer suggested in this sermon, “Jesus, I trust you.”

This Time Last Year

It’s a fun game to play for me.  I’ve been marking my months of marriage to Sung Yoon with memories from this time last year.

A year from our wedding day I was adopting Oliver and emailing Sung for the first time.  A year from Halloween, I was taking in my first Air Force party (not with Sung) and wondering what I had gotten myself into.  A year from Thanksgiving I was making him his first present from me.  A year from New Years, we were watching fireworks together in Germany.

This time last year marked the end of a rather difficult month.  I had several pretty big, startling changes occur in my little world.  My Pastor and his family had just announced their move to Saint Louis, another close friend and church leader also announced their move, and we had an abrupt leadership change at my school.  Within a month, Sung’s departure date from Germany changed twice and a training that would have allowed him to be with me on my birthday got canceled.

We didn’t know that he’d be able to visit me for two weeks that April.  We didn’t know a lot.

As I sat in church, hearing the announcement that another leader was moving on, I grit my teeth.  “I see what you’re doing,” I said to God.  “I see that you causing some folks to move on.  But I will not be next.  I am not going any where.”

I think I told God no because I already knew.  I told him I would not be next but I knew that I would.

Not long after that, Darcy and Jake came to visit me.  Oliver peed on Bekah’s new arm chair and I broke down into tears.  I started telling them everything that was wrong.  And, finally, the real thing– “I’m not ready to be ready to leave,” I cried.

Darcy told me to stop– how could I worry about leaving when no one had asked me to go anywhere.  But I knew.

The day after my birthday last year, Sung and I started talking about marriage– it hadn’t been mentioned seriously for some time, but it had been on my mind all these months.  I asked if he had some sort of timeline in mind for it all.

“I thought you’d like to get married before you turned thirty,” he said.  I laughed.  I hadn’t really had that as some sort of deadline.  Then he said, “Well, at least that was what I was going to tell you…as an excuse…so you wouldn’t wonder why I wanted to get married so soon.”

I wasn’t ready to be ready to leave Sandtown and Baltimore and my life there.  But I was ready.  In many ways, I’m still not ready to have left.  But I’m so grateful that, as stubborn as I was, I was willing to walk the path God placed before me.  That step, into his will, is always the best step to take.

Gratitude

About a month ago Sung and I heard a sermon at our church about giving.  As in cash.  To the church.  And it was not even a remotely irritating message.  One thing the pastor said really stuck out to me and I have been turning it over in my head ever since.  He said, “If your giver is broken it is because your receiver is broken.”  He started describing a person who is stingy with giving to others and explained that that person may have the real problem when it came to accepting from others.  I knew he was talking about me.

I am frequently “frugal” when giving gifts but often just lazy or even this word the pastor used– stingy.  I didn’t think of it that way until he said it but it’s true.   With others, with myself, I really don’t like spending money.   I thought it was because I was “non-materialistic” but after further examination, I’m not so sure.  If there is someone panhandling I feel no guilt whatsoever about passing them by because “giving them money isn’t the best way to help” even though I am not actively finding a better way to help.

Sung, on the other hand, is extremely generous.  He usually gives food or money to people we see on the street.  He doesn’t worry so much about spending money on things because he is responsible about paying his bills and he does not tight-fist his income.  This used to bother me until I saw the one who really struggled with money was me, not him.  Emotionally, it is difficult for me to spend money.  Little did I know my tight-fist may be a result of my response to receiving.

I first noticed this problem with my “receiver” last year when I didn’t let my mom buy me a new coat for Christmas.  Yup, you heard correctly.  I told her she couldn’t do it, that I didn’t want it.  It took me two months to realize it was WRONG to tell someone, especially your mother, that they couldn’t be generous towards you in the way their heart was moved to be.  I apologized.

Then things started getting serious with Sung and I was tested in my newfound conviction that accepting gifts was important.  First, he bought me an unsolicited birthday gift– a Kindle!  Thanks to God’s grace through my prior experience, I received it gratefully rather than worrying over why he spent so much.  When we were going to get engaged I thought we should save money and buy an opal ring but Sung really wanted to go all out and get me a diamond.  Again, I was able to keep my big mouth shut, remembering that I am not supposed to dictate how generous people can be towards me.  Anyway, we compromised… he got me both… haha.

Some other things of note happened during our engagement besides the purchasing of the ring.

I dealt with some guilt, worry, and fear about getting married.  One of the things I worried about was that it might be self fish.  I felt so loved and cared for in this relationship but perhaps I was more available to serve God as a single person.  I also felt bad about leaving a ministry I spent years investing in to move to Nebraska just so I could be happy in love.  I realized, then, that SUNG was a gift, a very generous gift, from the Lord.  Was I going to return this gift, as I did my mother’s offer of the coat, because I wanted to dictate how God was allowed to bless me?

The final big test came as we made wedding preparations.  People were SO generous with us.  The gifts flowed in for weeks– really, really nice, costly gifts.  More than that, people came around us with so much love and support.  We had friends give so generously of their time and talents, making and doing things for us to make our day beautiful and special.  I got to a point where I realized we could never repay all the kindness that was being show us, never even form the words to say a thank-you deep enough to express how we felt.  I reflected on the fact that as people gave us “gifts” of presents and time and talent– they really were just that– gifts.  All I could do was say thank-you, feel thank-you, and cherish them.

The broken receiver is really an issue of pride.  Am I able to receive without being able to repay?  And isn’t this the true story of the Gospel.  God has given to us far more than we ever can repay.  Yet, for people like me, it is so hard to receive.  I frequently find myself trying to earn the gift God has given me for free by focusing on the good I can do or how much bad I don’t do.

I have a lot to learn about the art of giving, MORE to learn about the art of receiving… good thing I married such a generous man!  I notice that Sung is not afraid to give because he knows he has enough.  With my eyes fixed on the grace that has poured out on me from Jesus, I am hoping loosen my grip on the resources flowing in and out of our household.